I have struggled from anxiety and depression from a young age, and it runs in my family. I remember being a young teenager and having suicidal thoughts, that I told not a soul about. When my parents would leave on a trip I would have irrational thoughts that they would die. I was scared to have sleepovers. I had my first panic attack when I was about 16 or 17 years old. I was thinking “oh my god, I have to know what I want to be when I grow up. I will be graduating soon and will need to leave the house and know how to do everything”. I felt so overwhelmed. I almost passed out I had such a bad panic attack. My face felt numb, everything went black, I felt like I was floating. Shortly after that I must have gone on medication, which helped a lot. However, you still need to learn to cope and find ways to help you through really stressful times. I have always had terrible self esteem and am always looking for approval. Approval of how I looked, or the accomplishments I made. I felt like I was never good enough. I find it so painful when people who don’t understand what we are going through tell us to just “snap out of it, or think positively”….that sh*t doesn’t work. Don’t you think we have tried all that. I went off medication to get pregnant twice and carry both of my children to ensure their safety. Eventually I went back on the medication. I recently tried to reduce the meds because I feel kind of bad being on medication. WHY? People who have diabetes have to be on medication to survive, why should people with mental health issues feel any differently? We need it to survive. I am now working really hard on myself. Trying to see the positive that others see in me. I am trying to surround myself with positive people who are accepting and non judgemental. You really don’t know what other people are struggling with. On the outside, I look like a happy, funny woman. If I weren’t open about the issues I have, no one would know.
We can do this!! Together, we can make it! You are strong, you are beautiful, you are powerful, you are loved and you matter!!!!