When I thought of becoming a mom, I thought of all the great and wonderful things that would happen. Snuggles, fun play times, cute outings with family. I desperately wanted to be a mom for most of my 20s. When I finally got pregnant with my first born, I immediately sunk into a dark place. I wasn’t excited to have a baby, I wasn’t happy, I didn’t feel connected to my baby. When he finally arrived, I didn’t feel that all consuming love for my child. I felt tired, I felt stressed. My entire life had changed within a matter of two years. I wasn’t me anymore, I didn’t have the same community as before. I was far away from friends and family and all I could think was, “This isn’t how it is supposed to be.” To make matters worse, my son was NOT an easy baby. The first 4 months of his life I was alone, tired, and my baby screamed 98% of the day. My spouse didn’t want me to go on medication because he didn’t believe in it, but I couldn’t see past my thick fog of postpartum depression which was starting to grow into a fairly severe anxiety. After 4 months, I did go on medication, and things DID get better…. but I still have anxiety, I still have bad days, it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. I’m trying to find a new normal, I’m trying to figure out life now, but the one thing I have learned is that it’s NOT easy and I DO need help. I’m thankful for Band Together because it makes postpartum depression and anxiety feel less lonely.

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