There is confusion and conflict within. I sleep at night but often wake up with my heart racing as if I have been running a marathon. I started a job which I really don’t like. Actually the train ride to work takes forever and feels like a waste of time every time. I ask myself, where can I find an other job. I have no answer, right now. I try so hard to teach yoga to kids as well, but it doesn’t pay my bills, that’s why I still have to get a regular job. I also created a cool little yoga postcard book, just figured it all out by myself, for the first time made my own website etc. But it doesn’t pay my bills. So I still have to work a regular job. I just feel this intense urge to break out of the circle of having to go to work somewhere, with people I don’t wanna be with. But I’m struggling to make it happen that I can live off the things I wanna do and feel good doing. That’s killing me! Having chosen this about a year ago, that I wanna change but then, there seems to always be a conflict, confusion, not enough money coming in, disappointment, feeling alone in the battle. I feel so paralysed. A part of me knows that maybe I’m special, or that I think differently about life. But it shouldn’t feel so horrible and that no one even cares. If there  was  someone who could just be there to tell me that everything is gonna be ok and that there is space for me in this world. Then I know I wouldn’t feel so down and broken.

Loading spinner